


Construction Site, Beware Falling Bricks

by parsnips (trifles)



Category: Glee
Genre: Catfishing, Dreams, F/M, Humor, Masturbation, Online Dating, Revelations, Singing, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:49:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trifles/pseuds/parsnips
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Because he's had weeks, now, okay? And he isn't <i>dumb.</i> Stuff just starts falling into place. Whether he meant to figure it out or not, the whole 'who is she' question has a really obvious answer."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Construction Site, Beware Falling Bricks

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a much shorter fic, with a much more obvious joke and payoff. Then I finally caught up with all the episodes, and I had a lot of _feelings._

 

It's somebody in the group. Somebody in New Directions is Katie.

He thinks about it a lot. Sometimes. All the time.

Because he's had weeks, now, okay? And he isn't _dumb_. Stuff just starts falling into place. Whether he meant to figure it out or not, the whole "who is she" question has a really obvious answer.

It's when he's in the shower one morning, thinking about the test he needs to take in first period and wondering how much studying he can really stuff into the three minutes it takes for Mr. Greenberg to take attendance, that his brain makes the connection without him. It puts together the fact that he "met" Katie right when he and Unique started squaring off a lot, and how, now that he and Unique are kind of friends, good friends, actually, "Katie" keeps refusing to meet.

It's so, so obvious. Unique is Katie. Katie is Unique.

The girl Ryder's been falling for is Unique Adams.

The shower water goes cold before Ryder moves again.

 

\--

 

And then he spends the next week, as Jake and Marley are way too quick to tell him, being a dick.

Not, like, about anything. He doesn't want anybody to know. Just... maybe he doesn't dance with Unique as much during the big group numbers. And maybe he doesn't talk to Katie online. And maybe all of that is making him fucking "moody" or whatever Jake said.

Kitty throws a bottle of Midol at him and tells him to get a Fleshlight he can name after his favorite imaginary cyberstalker, which he thinks is her way of telling him he needs to chill out.

Unique might have an opinion, too, but he doesn't really know. He'd glared at her on Monday and she'd just narrowed her eyes and started whispering furiously with Sugar Motta. Maybe it's been so easy to avoid her because she's been avoiding him too.

"Katie", on the other hand, has been pinging him daily.

"Katie" should get a clue and leave him alone.

 

\--

 

He's on a library computer. Katie's pinging him again. He's not going to answer. Definitely not going to answer.

There's just a plain silhouette of a face where Katie's profile picture used to be. It makes it look like there's a stranger on the other end, someone he could connect with without any baggage. But he can't forget that she'd put a fake picture there, with a fake name, and probably a fake history and fake thoughts and basically the whole problem with "Katie" was that the realest thing about her was how fake she was.

He wonders what would've happened if Unique's picture had been there instead. With the same chat history, except this time it was all true.

In his imagination the silhouette switches to a picture of Unique, looking up at the camera through thick stage lashes, giving a coy smile. The text beside it reads, _Are you there?_

Would he have--?

No. Totally not. That's -- that's so not part of the playbook. He can't imagine doing anything with -- like, Unique feels she's a girl, he understands that now, but Ryder couldn't -- not with--

It would never have gotten as far as it did.

 

\--

 

Unique's in a dark green dress today, looking sort of shimmery under the school's fluorescent lights. It's her turn to sing. She walks up to the front of the choir room and pivots slowly to face the rest of the group, glancing over the room with eyes that are almost half-closed. She looks like one of those movie stars from the 1930s or something, with smoky makeup and a pouting mouth. They're doing blues and jazz standards this week, and she looks totally dressed for it, her hands hanging loose beside her hips, and it's like a spotlight shines down just for her.

Blaine's sitting at the piano, concentrating like he hardly ever does, and it makes sense a second later when the notes start coming out. The tune's dark, and soulful, and it makes Ryder feel strange under his skin. Unique takes a breath, and he thinks she gives him a quick glance before singing, low and slow, "Oh Lord, I'm going down to St. James' Infirmary..."

 

\--

 

He feels the touch of her voice for _hours_ afterward.

 

\--

 

After that, he has a hard time remembering that there's a-- fuck, there's a _thing_ going on with Unique, that she's not just a regular girl. It wasn't like that before. It used to be that he had to really remember that she was supposed to be a girl, that he had to think of her as _her_ and _she_. But even with Katie's advice, he always knew that there was the difference between personal truth and actual truth. And the _actual_ truth was that, either way, Unique had a dick. Which maybe didn't make you a dude, necessarily, but it didn't really make you a girl, either.

Except now it's backwards. Or maybe it's finally the right way around. Unique's in a seat diagonal from him, the next row down, and she's got her wrists crossed over one another, resting on her knee. It's a little thing, but it's... she's got these really expressive hands. He likes watching them. And when they're not moving, he likes just waiting until they do. And maybe while he's waiting, he's sort of thinking that her skin looks really smooth, soft and smooth and he wonders what it would feel like to touch it.

His memories of the school lockdown are broken and strange, but he remembers holding her. The press of her body against his, his arm around her shoulders. He thinks he might have rubbed her arm with his thumb, through one of those wild patterned shirts of hers, comfort for himself as much as for her. He doesn't really remember how it felt.

Maybe he kind of wishes he did. Just so he could know, with a solid excuse, without, without--

And then she turns around and catches him sort of checking her out, and her expression is confused and a little hurt and then angry, that bitch-goddess angry she gets when she starts talking in third person that is actually really annoying, and the whole thing devolves into a fight about him being some kind of misogynist and transphobe at the same time _which doesn't even make sense_ , and he can ignore the whole thing again for a while.

 

\--

 

He's walked her home before. A few of the glee kids take turns, making sure she always has someone at her back. They've talked. It's nice. She's funny. And she laughs at his jokes.

He's always liked the way she laughs.

 

\--

 

It takes him a few days to get his head together and text "Katie" again. He tells himself it's because he wants to do the big reveal thing, shout _J'accuse!_ and peace out like Stoner Brent, but...

It's like, if there's two Uniques in his head, the one who's a girl and the one who's only sort of a girl, then there are two Katies in his head too. There's the one who's secretly Unique, and who he's more than a little pissed about, and then-- then there's the one who's been his best friend for the last few weeks. The one he's told all his secrets and dreams to. Who's always been there for him.

He misses that Katie. The one he was-- fuck it, the one he thinks he was falling in love with. And that Katie is somebody he thinks he could talk to about all this. So he keeps the plain profile image in mind and finally answers her.

**Ryder: I need your advice.**

**Katie: Hi! I'm so glad to see you. What is it?**

Okay, so Katie wasn't going to call him out for not talking to her for a week. More proof that she was just looking to scam him, he guessed. Can't ream him out if she wanted him to stick around for... for whatever Katie's plan was.

 _Unique's_ plan, it was _Unique's_ plan, he has to stop pretending they're two separate people.

 

\--

 

**Ryder: If you really like one part of somebody, but you're not sure about another part, which should win out?**

**Katie: Do you have somebody in mind?**

**Ryder: Who says it's me?**

**Katie: Okay. ;) Well, how much would someone theoretically really like that one part?**

**Ryder: A lot. A lot a lot.**

**Katie: So how important is the part your hypothetical person isn't sure about?**

**Ryder: I don't really know. They'd think it was really important at first, maybe a deal breaker, but they wouldn't be sure.**

**Katie: I think I'm an optimist. The liking part should win!**

**Ryder: Really.**

**Katie: Yes!**

**Ryder: Okay.**

 

\--

 

What the hell was he even expecting from that conversation, _fuck._

 

\--

 

There's a glee meeting at the end of the day, and he barely makes it in time. The girls are gathered together, discussing something in rapid undertones, and he quickly sits down in the free seat behind them. Unique is making a face at whatever Sugar just said.

"Oh no, Unique does not play that way," she says above the general discussion. She flips her hair, a swinging pageboy that she usually wears when she's going to sing something flashy during the meeting. It's always fun when she wears that one.

She taps her finger on her desk. "If there's somebody that says they mostly like you except for one little thing, you don't have to put up with that. Who cares if they 'mostly like you,' anyway? If they have a problem with something you have no control over, then they can just step aside -- nobody wants their half-assed second-best pity love cluttering up a perfectly good playing field."

Sugar nods, wide-eyed, and Kitty lays her head on Unique's shoulder and complains about having congenital bitch disease. Tina wonders if Brittany could ask her web audience, and

Ryder sits behind them all and definitely doesn't stare at Unique while wondering what the hell he's supposed to do with _this._

 

\--

 

He hadn't ever anticipated preferring Unique's opinion to Katie's.

Come to think of it, Unique's a living, breathing girl who he's actually met, so she's already about three steps ahead of Katie right there. A total of four ways that Unique is a lot better an option for a girlfriend than Katie had ever been.

Except she'd lied to him. And there's that other thing. The constant, unforgettable _other_ thing.

He has trouble going to sleep.

 

\--

 

Of course, once he does get to sleep, he dreams about Unique.

It's a very accurate dream.

Dream-Ryder apparently doesn't really care about any of the stuff Awake-Ryder's been stressing out about. The whole "you lied to me on the internet and made me care for an imaginary perfect girlfriend while learning all my deepest secrets for humiliation and revenge" thing is really not even a factor.

Probably because in his dream, he's kissing her. He can feel the slick layer of lipstick shift as his mouth slants across hers, can taste strawberry gloss and mint gum and some essence of her that he wants, needs, to find again and again, chasing it, until he knows what it is. Until he can find it in an instant, understand it, and taste it again.

There isn't much else to the dream. There's no background, no place. They're standing. He's taller than her.

 

\--

 

He wakes up.

In bed, he's breathing in gasps, and he's hard. Because of course he is. He's used to this, no problem, he fists his dick quickly just so he can get back to sleep, tries to think about whatever he'd been dreaming of so he can have something to focus on. There was kissing, awesome, he likes kissing, likes that sort of connection with somebody. He can remember the feel of a body, which is also awesome, excellent, this is going to be a record breaker for him, back to sleep in a minute and a half plus clean-up time.

He closes his eyes and pumps his fist a little faster, searching out details even while they're slipping away. He just needs one more thing, anything, to tip him over the edge--

The taste of strawberry lip gloss. Except not really strawberry, and not really taste -- it's all a little confusing, dream and memory getting weird and not coming together right. He's not sure he's ever actually tasted strawberry lip gloss. He's just imagining what it would be like from the way it smells. Sweet and chemical and berry and something undefinable, and he _has_ smelled it before, he's smelled it recently, he can smell it now, too, and he can't remember where it's from, he can't, but it's fucking _perfect_ \--

He comes, which is awesome. It's a good one, too, even though he didn't have much to go on, but whatever, it was amazing, he's still tired, he'll celebrate in the morning.

He rolls over and grabs a handful of tissues from his bedside table, starts wiping up. God, he's tired, but he's also kind of buzzed and fuzzy from coming. He throws the tissues onto the floor, rolls over, closes his eyes. Man, it's like he can still smell that strawberry lip gloss, which is so weird, because he's not even sure where--

Unique, in the choir room, sitting the next row down. Turning around, tilting her face to look up at him, thick stage lashes and coy smile and a swipe of gloss that had smelled like strawberries.

"Oh shit," Ryder breathes, and opens his eyes.

 

\--

 

Okay, yeah, and then he spends, like, the next two hours on the internet. Reading stuff about trans girls. About guys who like trans girls. About internet relationships and advice for teens and catfishing and what dreams really mean.

And then, like, he somehow just gets stuck on Youtube, watching clip after clip of British historical dramas from the 1970s because he's too tired to crawl back over to his bed.

He's going to die from a caffeine overdose tomorrow morning, seriously.

 

\--

 

It's been a really, really long day. His eyes are gritty and it turns out that if you drink two and a half Red Bulls in a row and then order your cafeteria lunch really loudly and without pausing for breath, you make Marley disappointed in you. He can't read for shit today, which is half the reason he's avoiding the library, and the other half is because he's pretty sure that if he doesn't he'll ping Katie -- _Unique_ \-- and say something really dumb.

He doesn't even know what kind of dumb. He doesn't know what he thinks about anything. He shouldn't have stayed awake so long. He should have faked a plague or something and stayed home.

It's his turn to walk Unique home today, though. He didn't want to miss it. Which doesn't have to mean anything, but probably does anyway.

Maybe he should drink another Red Bull.

 

\--

 

Jake takes his Red Bulls.

Because he's a _dick_.

 

\--

 

Ryder has a study hall at the end of the day, which is good, because what he's planning to do with it is stare at the floor and pretend that's the same thing as sleeping.

He's going to walk Unique home today. And when he does, he's going to tell her that he knows she's Katie.

And then... something. Something's going to happen.

Probably they're going to get into a fucking huge fight, because honestly, what the fuck was she thinking? Did she hate him that much? He knows he was a douche about the trans thing, he knows he hurt her, but-- what she'd done to him, stringing him along, that was cruel. She could've stopped it when he'd started telling her his secrets. She could've stopped it when they became friends.

She could've shared her secrets too.

He'd read their chat history again. Twice. There's a whole lot of her saying what he wanted to hear, and asking him questions, and supporting his confessions -- but not a lot about _her_. He doesn't really know anything about "Katie." She was just an echo of him, most of the time.

So they're going to have to have a pretty fucking big discussion about that. And he doesn't know what's going to happen, what could possibly happen, because what she says will change a lot of what he's going to do, could imagine doing, and whether they can even stay friends.

He closes his eyes, blocking the ugly abstract industrial carpet pattern, and tries not to wish for any of the good things that could happen. He's probably not going to get them.

Someone drops heavily into the seat next to him and loudly clears her throat. Ryder's had way too much caffeine for that to be okay, holy _shit_ , his eyes fly open and he almost has a fucking _heart attack_. It takes him a second to actually focus on who the hell startled him.

It's Sugar Motta.

And she's looking at him with a deep and soulful sincerity.

"Ryder," she says, and leans forward. "I can't hide anymore. I'm Katie."

"No, you're not," Ryder says, because no, seriously, she's not.

But Sugar only nods, wisps of her hair flicking back and forth like the ears of one of those little French dogs with, with wispy ears, _whatever_ , she's not Katie, because Katie is Unique, this has been totally established and it's not possible that Sugar is Katie because then everything he's been thinking about and everything he's done is, is, it's all, it doesn't make sense, why has he been, Unique--

"What?" he says, because _what._

"I wanted to get close to you," Sugar says, "also I'm very vulnerable and shy, so I thought this would be best."

"So," he says, going for anything that sounds like it might make sense, "so you were the girl on the other end the whole time? You read all the things I wrote?"

Sugar nods again and says sweetly, "Kind of."

"Kind of?"

She shrugs. "It was me in the beginning, but then it took a lot of time to keep up so my dad bought me an," she scrunches her nose to remember, staring at the ceiling, and Ryder is trying not to think of anything at all, "an ELIZA-type AI," Sugar recites dutifully at last. She smiles again. "It sort of filled in for me when I was busy. And when I was asleep. And in class. And when I wanted to do something else. But she said all the things I would've said! So it was basically me. And I'm so glad we've had this meaningful relationship for these last few weeks."

Sugar sighs deeply. "But something Unique said made me think. I can't take this second-best love, Ryder. I deserve better. You, me, our AI, that wasn't enough for you. You wanted to add meeting in person, and that makes me uncomfortable. So I'm ending it, between you and me. You can keeping talking to ELIZA if you want, you and she seem to really get along. But I'm done."

She stands from her chair and turns so that she can look at him lingeringly over her shoulder. "It was beautiful while it lasted," she says, before finally leaving him to stare after her.

Ryder watches her and wonders if maybe he actually did drink too much fucking Red Bull.

 

\--

 

Word travels fast. By the end of the day, everybody knows who "Katie" was, that Sugar broke it off, and that Ryder is now, apparently, heartbroken. Jake and Marley comfort him for exactly two seconds before he makes it absolutely clear that it's the opposite of necessary. Kitty mouths the word _Sugar_ at him in the hallway as he's putting on his backpack, opening her eyes really wide as she passes. It doesn't seem as evil as she usually is, which means that she's probably going to do something awful that no one will see coming.

He meets Unique at her locker, and he wonders what she's going to say about it. It's a distraction for him -- it keeps him from wondering what he's going to say to her.

A lot of his earlier plans are completely useless now. But not... not some of the other ones.

She doesn't say anything, though. They just leave the school and start heading toward her house. It's about a fifteen-minute walk in nice weather, and usually they don't have a problem finding things to talk about. It's one of the things he really likes about her. She's easy to talk to, when she isn't pissed at him. And to be fair, she's only really pissed at him when he's being a dick about the trans shit, so that's a pretty easy problem to fix.

It takes a minute for them to come up with anything today, though. "Sorry about Sugar," she says at last, a little quietly.

He shrugs, tries to be cool about it. "Not as bad as it could've been," he says, which is true.

Unique gives him a look. "Don't try that with me. You think Unique doesn't know that you just pretend the bad stuff doesn't happen? Everybody knew about you and your girl, you can't tell me you're fine with her breaking your heart."

There's grass growing between the sidewalk squares, tiny tufts of it. Unique always steps over the cracks, never letting her heels catch, and she does it without even seeming to look. Ryder's always looking down, always checking to make sure he doesn't trip. It's just another way that she's kind of amazing.

They walk in silence for another minute. It's a beautiful day. They can be lazy about getting anywhere. "I'd already figured out that Katie wasn't real," he says slowly. "That the things I thought I loved about her were all just made up. So I'm not torn up about that. The real problem was that I thought I _did_ know who she was. I thought she was somebody else in glee, somebody not Sugar. And when I thought I figured out who it was, I was really-- I was really hurt about that. And confused. And I'd just gotten my head wrapped around _that_ when... when it turned out I was wrong. Again. Sugar was Katie. It turned out that everything I'd thought was wrong, and I couldn't feel bad about Sugar, not like that, not when I just felt so much relief that this _other_ person wasn't the liar..." He glances up, risks a smile at the girl walking next to him. "Does, does any of this make sense?"

She's takes a quick look at him, meeting his eyes for second. "I think I got maybe a sentence out of that," she says, apologetic. She raises her hand briefly, a twist of her wrist fanning her fingers in a gesture that repeats her apology in physical form.

They're coming up on a construction site she's had trouble at before. Half-built scaffolding, and signs warning for men at work and hard hats only, and loosened dirt that little swirls of wind sweep over the sidewalk. There's no one there today, but she tenses a little. Ryder looks over at her again. Looks at her hand, hanging back down by her side.

He doesn't know Unique like he thought he knew Katie. He doesn't love her.

But -- but he _could_.

So really, that just leaves one other question.

He reaches out, bumps her arm a little so she looks down. "Can I?" he asks, his palm open toward hers. She looks confused for a second, wary. He tries to smile at her like he has any game at all. It's totally not working, either, because he thinks that maybe he's actually fucking blushing. Also he's stopped walking, or maybe she has, fuck, this is the _opposite_ of casual.

He clears his throat. And Unique's expression slowly clears. Brightens. And -- she smiles up at him.

He loves her smile.

"Okay," she says, and lets him take her hand.

 

 

end


End file.
